You Think You’re Better Than Me?

My dogs bolt out of the kitchen as the shiny new tea kettle my family bought me for Christmas whistles. I’ve always wanted to hear that sound. My beagle’s sensitive ears can attest that it’s nothing less than a steamer train announcing to the world that it is time! Time for something magical to happen I think. I’m ready. I light my scented candle, got my book and cozy blanket all settled in the sanctuary I’ve created for myself, and I pour the steamy tea into the vintage cup I got at my niece’s baby shower. I fantasize that the bride got it at a little hidden gem in a quaint village called Enchantment. It’s a suburb of only 100 residents who all come from a lineage of royalty and their customers are all special guests. I feel fancy just holding it. This is the new me. I’m a tea drinker now who believes in self-care and people who practice self-care are the best. They are so zen. This is my new ritual. Drink tea. Read. Relax. It took about 15 minutes for my dogs and son to infiltrate my sanctuary and when my husband joined in he said, “You think you’re better than me?” This made me laugh. My husband knows me too well. This was my lame attempt to be something I’m not. The tea kettle is now buried in a cabinet and I’m back to spending my nights on the family room couch with the T.V. blaring, even though I don’t notice, because I’m so numbed out scrolling through TikToks.

It is January 30, 2025 and I’m not even sure what my “New Year’s Resolutions” were in December or even are now. I don’t really believe in resolutions because aren’t they really just wishful thinking of the person you were always meant to be? At least this last resolution didn’t cost me a gym membership that I’ll never use and only $25 on a tea kettle off of Amazon. All the scented candles and tea in the world will not make a neurospicy, worrywart like me zen. But I do understand that becoming the best version of yourself does involve taking certain baby steps. Like replacing vodka with wine, right?

Lately I feel like a mess. Who am I kidding, introspection requires honesty and I always feel like a mess. But what IS a mess? I relate to the second definition of a mess according to the Oxford Languages dictionary on Google: Mess/Noun “a situation or state of affairs that is confused or full of difficulties.” I myself am confused most of the time and that brings its share of difficulties. Because I feel this way it is safe to say that I’ve dabbled with mental health therapy. I say dabble because I have yet to find a therapist that I like. Most of them just listen & nod their head and sympathize. Not for me. I am a Type A, result oriented person who needs them to cure me at our first visit. I’m like “ok, you’ve learned enough about me. You’ve had some time to digest it. Fix it!!! Make me feel better. Why are you still asking me questions? I already told you everything. Can’t you prescribe some sort of ‘normal person’ tonic to make these bad feelings just go away?”

One thing that ALL mental health therapists recommend is journaling. Write down your thoughts!! WRITE THEM!! As if writing your thoughts down can turn them into this force that will slay your inner demons…WRITE them and “be gone evil spirit of the thought process!!” It doesn’t matter if you write about the sandwich you ate today, WRITE IT DOWN to expel the demon!! My daughter, who is a mental health therapist, is gonna give me shit for this.

But this is exactly what I’m doing. I’m writing it down. So friends, you are a part of my resolution/health/growth/saving grace journey. I am writing it down. And I hope you stay here and join me on this journey of discovery. I don’t think “I’m better than you” or anyone, no matter how many cups of fancy tea I drink. We’re more alike than we realize. We’ll get through this together.